Funny Police Reports


Funny Things People Say In Police Reports - Police Reports That Are Funny

Funny Police Report

Some of the craziest things are reported to police officers. Many of these have been reported in newspaper articles. This site is dedicated to sharing many of those funny police reports.

The following are short quotes of actual police reports. They are actual statements either taken directly off of insurance forms or things said directly to the officer taking the report. You know the police officer that took each funny police accident report had a good laugh. They were gathered from a number of sources. We hope you enjoy these quotes and get a good chuckle from them:

“I thought my window was down; but found it was up when I put my hand through it.”

“The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran over him.”

“I told the police I was not injured, but upon removing my hair, I found that I had a fractured skull.”

“Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.”

“The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.”

“No one was to blame for the accident, but it never would have happened if the other driver had been alert.”

“I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.”

“A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.”

“I was taking my canary to the hospital. It got loose in the car and flew out the window. The next thing I saw was his rear end, and there was a crash.”

“I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way.”

“The accident happened when the right door of a car came around the corner without giving a signal.”

“The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.”

“To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.”

“I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.”

“I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner when it was struck by the other car in the same place where it had been struck several times before.”

 “I saw the slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.”

“In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.”

“I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.”

“I was unable to stop in time, and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries.”

“When I could not avoid a collision, I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car.”

“I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.”

“The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle.”

“My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.”

“A truck backed though my windshield and into my wife's face.”

“The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.”

“I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.”

“I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.”

“An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle, and vanished.”

“The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve out of its path when it struck my front end.”

Newspaper Clips Containing A Humerous Police Report


What Not To Say To A Police Officer

·       Would you hold my beer while I look for my license? (OK only in Texas)

·       You must have been going over 120 to keep up with me.

·       Sorry officer, my radar detector wasn’t plugged in.

·       You’re not going to check in my trunk are you?

·       Can you come back in five minutes? I’m in the middle of a telephone conversation. (Especially in California)

·       Are you Andy or Barney?

·       Is it true that guys become cops because they can’t work at McDonalds?

·       Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

·       When the Officer says "Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer, your eyes look glazed; have you been eating doughnuts?"

·       I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.

·       What? You need a license to drive?

·       Yes, I know my driving is not 100%, but you have to agree that it is still pretty good for someone who is completely drunk.

·       I pay your salary!

·       Did you pull me over because of the drugs under the seat, the body in the trunk, or the burned out tail-light?

·       Whoops, that's the fake one... here you go; this is the real one.

·       My gun fell off my lap and got lodged on the gas pedal.

·       You're lucky this car needs a tune-up or you'd have never caught me.

·       In California we drive like that all the time, what's the problem?

·       I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

·       Well, those two other guys didn't stop for that school bus either.

·       There's no way I was going 85. I had the cruise set at 80.

·       What's wrong, Ossifer? I swear to drunk I'm not God! And really, there is no blood in my alcohol.

·       You don't happen to have any beer in your car?

In addition to the serious and unpleasant encounters police officers sometimes have, I’m sure they enjoy some of the funny things people say. Funny Police Report has a mission to report the lighter side of their job. Police officers have a hard job that puts their lives in jeopardy every time they put on their uniform. We need to show our appreciation to those who serve and protect our communities from harm. If you have interest in becoming a police officer you may want to find out how to become a cop. There are a number of great websites that offer great information and insight into the process.

Hopefully you have enjoyed the humorous side of law enforcement on our site called Funny Police Report.